Am I grieving the right way?

One of the biggest questions or concerns I hear as an Ontario counsellor focusing on grieving is, “Is this normal?”. Well, there is no normal, there is no one way, your way will look different than others and thank goodness. We aren’t robots. Our relationships are different, our supports, coping skills and resources, are all different too. 

So often we tell ourselves stories of what it should look like: the movies give us a romanticized image, and policies at work restrict us to impossible timelines, and we tell ourselves to buck up and move on. We tell ourselves things like “they were old”, “we would have had to move eventually anyways”, “the farm will still be taken care of”, and “some people have it worse” etc. Often we know deep down that this person or thing is worth us missing, remembering, and honouring, be it through our grief, rituals, memories or all of the above! The hardest part is going against the expectations that society has laid out for us. 

Grief is a natural response to a loss, a change, or a transition. It is a response that can show up in our bodies, mind, mood etc. There are no set of symptoms or boxes to tick. Everyone’s experience will look different based on who they are, where they live, the loss, the support they have, and so on.

As a grief counsellor working in Ontario, I would say for most people the best way through grief is just that, through it! Not dodging it or trying to rush it- grief does wait for us. Simply being aware of it and knowing there is no quick fix or treatment. Instead, focusing on supports and finding validation that is helpful, and building boundaries where necessary with those that aren’t. Maybe that’s a trusted friend, a professional support or a peer group. 

Reach out to Rural Refresh (offering virtual counselling across Ontario and in person counselling in St Marys Ontario) to discuss what supports might be helpful for you.