Dealing with the Stress of Solo Parenting in Ontario Agriculture

Solo parenting and farming seem to go hand in hand, or if that just my view?

Okay hear me out, were not mad that our spouses are always working. Perhaps were working off the farm and picking kids up from school, camp, or daycare and just trying to finish out the night with making supper, baths, bed etc. For others we have been in the tractor too, or covering chores, running meals, grabbing parts, and staying home with kids. All jobs that have to be done, but when one spouse is away from the home management or childcare tasks for a majority of the time, the solo parenting can be a heavy weight. Of course there are times that the kids might enjoy being involved and along for the ride- but realistically that

can’t always happen with schedules and safety. And with that comes the package of entertainment and snacks too. Nothing is easy!

While you feel like your managing it all, the loneliness seeps in, as you start to see other families out on vacations, date nights are happening, and lots of patio time. Social media platforms don’t downplay the comparison game. You might mention your stress to friends but even the ones involved in agriculture don’t quite see it the same as you, of course everyone has struggles but every farm is so different. Employees, amount of acres, custom work or hiring out, livestock involved, the list goes on. You don’t dare mention it to the generation before you as you will often hear “I had to do it all without help when I was raising a family”. So who do you mention it to and how to you come up with a solution? Well I definitely don’t have that answer, as much as I have tried to schedule, plan ahead and share the load

there are breakdowns, weather impacts and inconsistent routines.

Three things you can try to help if you are the one feeling “solo”

1. Call on your village! Yes even the one’s that told you they had to do it all themselves when they were raising their family, because often they are well meaning, know the struggle and are happy to help. Over schedule help, if you know you need an extra hand then get all on board and don’t be afraid to cancel if you feel you no longer need the assistance. This will leave you feeling like you have a safety net, some support, you’re not running solo.

2. Talk about it! I will bet you that even if you are not in the same situation as another family, they likely can relate on some way. Be mindful of not just using this as a time to vent but also a time to build community, maybe share resources, and find some validation.

3. Reach out, Rural Refresh Counselling in Ontario provides support virtually across Ontario as well as in-person in St Marys, Ontario. Jaclyn specializes in supporting folks who are involved in agriculture.