Supporting Someone Through Grief

I know what you’re hoping for. A phrase? A quote? Something that is going to make the grief go away. Hey! As I Grief Counsellor I wish for the same. The reality is there are helpful things you can say and things you might steer away from but nothing is going to land you in a spot of taking the grief away. Don’t let this stop you from supporting a person though, moving forward with grief is tough and knowing others are there for support might ease some of that pain.

Here are some thoughts and things I have learned as I have accompanied people in their

experiences with grief.

Things that might be helpful to say

The thing to note is that it will always be helpful to say something as opposed to ignoring the

elephant in the room. You are not reminding them of the loss. This is something likely already think about all the time.

• Ask how they are doing (and then really listen).

• Inquire about old memories.

• Ask what they miss.

• Tell them you are sorry to hear about what they are going through.

• Share that you’re sorry that their time with them was cut short.

• Offer something “I am bringing food, any favourites?”

• If you knew the person share memories or things you’ll miss.

• Say their name.

• Ask their name if you don’t know it and use it in conversation and questions.

• Nothing at all.

Let them cry and don’t say something to shuffle the conversation along. Be present with them in the silence, in the emotion. Grief is lonely, let the silence provide space for shared compassion, emotion and support.

It’s okay if you fumble or say something you wish you hadn’t. Just show your compassion, pause, don’t rush the conversation, and create space for them.

Things that might not be helpful

Try to steer clear of phrases that minimize the emotions and experience of grief. Think of phrases that might shut conversation down or make them question how they are feeling.

• They wouldn’t want you to be sad.

• Everything happens for a reason.

• They are in a better place.